Whether or not you tell people that you are looking for a sperm donor to have a child is entirely up to you. Even later, when your child is already born, it is still your decision (and that of your partner) whether or not to disclose this information .
If you have decided to share the news with your friends and family, it may be because you feel they can provide you with the much-needed support. You may also want your child to grow up in an environment where there are no secrets, only trust.
Revealing this information can be daunting and complicated, especially when you know that your family is not good at dealing with issues of this nature. You may be afraid of uncomfortable questions and judgmental comments that hurt your feelings.
While announcing that you will have a baby thanks to sperm donation can be a little daunting, the support you will receive afterward is often well worth the effort. Also, it can be difficult to keep the fact a secret. This can make you feel isolated, regardless of whether you are going through the project alone, with a partner or a co-parent.
What to expect from your parents and family
If you are an LGBT couple , the fact that you are looking for a sperm donor, egg donor, or surrogate mother may not come as a surprise to your friends and family as it has been anticipated.
If you’re a couple with infertility issues, this news might come as a little more surprising. Still, the chances that your family will support your decision are good. The situation is different with singles: even if many people will react positively and understandingly, there are others who will find it more difficult to accept the idea that a single mother will raise a fatherless child. If you feel that your family or friends are going to react in this way, it may be best to speak to those people who you are most likely to expect support from first. So you already have someone on your side.
Intimate questions may arise that you may not want to answer. It is up to you to decide what to answer with a clear conscience. Be prepared for some awkward questions, however, as even the most open-minded and well-meaning person can be a little clumsy and tactless when it comes to such things. They don’t necessarily want to hurt you, but you could see it invade your privacy.
Prepare in advance
First of all, prepare yourself. Don’t rush. Don’t share the news on impulse – you might regret it afterwards. Take the time together with your partner or alone (if you are single) to decide what you want to tell and to what extent. If you are going to be a single parent and need advice, you can speak to someone you trust, such as your sister or best friend, who you trust.
Note that you have a slightly different relationship with each family member or member of your circle of friends . Therefore, what you tell them depends on the trust you have in the person and their personality. There may also be things that you prefer to keep to yourself and not share with anyone. This also applies to your partner. It is therefore important that you can talk to each other and thus set boundaries. Respect your partner’s feelings and avoid saying things that the other is uncomfortable with.
Since your family and friends are unlikely to know much about sperm donation, you should also be prepared to answer their questions. Think beforehand what topics might arise and prepare your answers. In addition, good preparation is a great way to feel more confident. In fact, there is a chance that you may feel a little uncomfortable and unprotected during this conversation.
It is also important when and where you share the news. Choose a place where everyone – and especially yourself – is comfortable, whether it’s a family dinner at home, a restaurant that everyone likes, or your favorite pub. Then it’s up to you when you see the right moment: For example, when everyone is in a good mood and able to listen to you.